Homestuck One-Shots
by Queen Parodine
Summary: Self-explanatory, really. These are just non-serious dribble drabbles that I've written featuring the various Homestuck characters.. The one-shots are weird, dumb and stupid, but no lemons so don't worry about that. Rated T for language, otherwise it's fine. Have fun! (...I should really get some sleep instead of doing this.)


**Shot 1. The Greatest Weapon**

**AN: Hi. This is some weird genderbent Strider stuff I wrote. I guess it's supposed to be when Dave(Dawn) was a bit younger, and still learning how to be a cool ninja dude like Bro(Sis).  
Yeah, I think it's stupid too. Enjoy the offspring of my exhausted mind at like 12:00 at night. Yayyyy poptarts**

Sis and Dawn were dozing on the sofa. Sis was listening to some sweet jam, her head bobbing slowly to the sick beats.**  
**"Sis," said Dawn suddenly.  
Sis heard nothing. She was busy listening to sick beats.  
"Sis!" said Dawn, a bit louder.  
But Sis was in her own world of sweet jams and sick beats, where no little sisters existed.  
Dawn sighed and readied herself for attack.

Sis's world of sweet jams was shattered into pieces as Dawn jumped at her, tearing off Sis's earbuds and poking her face. "Sisisisisisisisisisisis-"  
"WHAT?!" Sis roared, tearing Dawn off and shoving her away. "Shit, can't a girl listen to ill tunes in peace? Fuck, Dawn. You're getting scarier."  
Dawn looked at Sis intensely through her tinted kamina glasses. "Sis. Tell me. What is the greatest weapon of all?"  
Sis smirked as she drew her katana. "This, o little shit, is the greatest weapon of all. Only the mightiest may wield it."  
Dawn stared at the magnificent blade in awe and wonder. "Wooow. That's one hell of a blade, Sis. Will I ever get to wield one?"  
"Probably not. But you can always use one of my shittier swords if you want." Sis dug around the sofa cushions until she found something sharp. She pulled it out. Yup, it was one of her many shitty swords. She handed it to Dawn, who looked extremely disappointed. "Thanks, I guess," Dawn mumbled. "Wow, this sword is really shitty."

_Shit, that didn't make her happy, _said Sis's conscience. _What? _Sis told her conscience. _I gave her a weapon!  
You call that a weapon? _Sis's conscience continued stubbornly. _Ugh, why are you such a bad sister? You could at least give her something that wasn't dug out from a sofa cushion!  
Fine, _Sis growled internally. She turned to Dawn. "All right, let me compensate. I'll let you in on a secret."  
Dawn's red eyes nearly sparkled with excitement. "What is it, Sis? What is it what is it what is it?"

Sis looked at Dawn fondly. Ah, Dawn. Always so eager to hear nuggets of wisdom from her...One day, Dawn would grow up to be one badass motherfucker. Sis just knew it.

"Well, Dawn, shut the fuck up so I can tell you."  
Dawn nearly bounced off the sofa. "Tell me!"  
Sis leaned closer to Dawn and whispered to her dramatically. "The greatest weapon of all is actually something we all carry with us, always. It is a thing so powerful that it could bring the greatest of warriors to their knees..."  
Dawn looked like she was about to combust from all the curiosity. "What is it, Sis?"

Sis pointed at Dawn's boobs. "Your boobs. Once they have grown, you must learn to use them. Great boobs can be extremely destructive if you know how to wield them, far more dangerous than any katana."

Dawn stared at her sister with a look so full of "what" that mere words could not describe it before whacking her with a sofa cushion. "Fuck you, Sis."  
"What? Appreciate the sisterly wisdom instead of hitting me!"  
"Fuck you!"

**AN: Yup. That was that. Ugh, I don't know why I keep getting urges to write weird fanfics in the middle of the night! WHYYYY  
Anyhow, I don't really have a plan for where I want to go with this. I just wanted to write something about the Striders. They're sexy.  
I wrote this in like, five minutes. Maybe that's why I gave FemDave a really crappy name. "Dawn"...ugh. What was I thinking. Oh wait, I wasn't thinking. I don't think I'm thinking now either. Where are my legs? What?**

**So, um...Leave a suggestion for the next oneshot I guess? If I'll make more, that is. I don't even know what's happening now. I'm tired and sick and it's the middle of the night. Bye.**

**...I'll probably regret writing all of this in the morning.**


End file.
